They don’t have the ability to love their children, so they will only give out conditional love, like when you are succeeding in something or when they can brag about you to their friends. That’s when they’ll show you love and affection, but the minute you do something that embarrasses them or rebel against them, they will cut off your supply of love completely. They’ll give you the silent treatment and might even do underhanded things to get you back. You constantly feel like you have to make everyone happy in order to earn love. The sense of shame is always there inside of you, making you feel like you’re not good enough. Narcissists see their children not as individuals but as extensions of themselves, so they see their children as their property.
That does not leave a lot of time to connect with their children, and many children fall to the wayside and feel neglected. This is especially true for less troublesome children. The louder kids get more attention while the quiet, well-behaved ones are overlooked because they don’t require as much monitoring. After working and cooking and cleaning all day, every day for years on end, people get a little tired. They are stressed out and cranky and, more often than not, the parents will take this out on their children. It is not fair to keep on popping out children with the expectation that the older ones will help out.
Children should be able to BE children when they are young. They shouldn’t have to take on adult responsibilities like child-rearing unless they make that decision themselves one day. The effects of delegating child-rearing to the older kids are nearly always negative, in my experience.